This day started out fairly normal with Kurt working (scheduled on a Saturday), Nathan signing up for flag football for 3rd, 4th, 5th and 6th graders, etc. My mother-in-law, Kay, drove us to Negaunee for flag football and then Ashley and I spent two hours hanging out with grandma!
We came home and were relaxing, watching t.v. and waiting for Kurt to get home from work. Not sure how the discussion began but Ashley started telling me how she talked to a couple of her classmates about me and they asked if I was going to die. I asked her how she answered and she said, "No!" I gave it some thought before I proceeded ... Do I want to give her false hope that I will not die? Does she know that there is a possibility that I could? Both Kurt and I have been pretty open with the kids since the beginning and want them to know what is going on without trying to have them stress or worry about it. I decided to ask her if she knew that it was a possibility? She told me she did and when I asked her if she thought like I did and that I am going to fight it, she said yes. Of course, I shed many tears during our talk (and many more since)!
I got a phone call which broke up our discussion for a moment. When I returned into the living room, Ashley just kept looking at me. Of course, that made me cry more! I told her that I plan to fight cancer and hope to be around for a LONG, LONG time. Ashley told me that one of her classmates was really worried about me and I asked if Ashley was also. She told me she was (even though I already knew the answer)! I told her that there should not be any child (especially an 8-year-old) who has to worry about their mom!!! Ashley and I both began crying. Nathan walked into the room and joined in the conversation. He is usually more silent about things but mentioned he talked with a friend who asked if I survived. Nate told him that I did but that I still have cancer. Again, I told him that I plan to be around a long time and hope that I can be here to see them graduate, have babies, etc. We all sat together and cried!
The reason I tell this story is not because I want our emotional family moments to be out there but because I don't think alot of people (including myself) realize how much children are affected by a parent or loved one with cancer. I know my kids think about it but I guess I didn't realize how much they talk to their friends about it. As Oprah would say, it gave me an "Ah-ha" moment - how much I LOVE my children and how if something should happen to me, how much I want them to know what they mean to me! I know they showed me today how much I mean to them!
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